Thursday, March 31, 2016

FEATURE: Is ‘An African City’ a true portrayal of the urban African woman?



At An African City’s Season 2 launch event in Accra in January, there were audible gasps from the crowd at the frank, no-holds-barred dialogue, and revealing sex scenes. But there’s more to the web series than its shock value. The show is a space for urban African women to navigate evolving beliefs between tradition and contemporary life in a rapidly changing society.

HBO’s Sex and the City is An African City’s inevitable point of comparison for many viewers. A decade after Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha bid us farewell, women still engage in spirited cocktail party conversations over which character they most identify with—the modern equivalent of a Myers-Briggs test.

Sex and the City was symbolic of contemporary debates about womanhood, and challenged the status quo. But the question remains—whose status quo? In arts and culture, the African woman is frequently represented as an object—a primeval Eve with scarifications and bare breasts, a breeding machine, or a sexualized spectacle akin to Hottentot Venus. In the news, she is a victim or a refugee. While these images are undoubtedly true, they are incomplete.

Until 2014’s arrival of An African City, the urban African woman lacked a pop cultural touchstone that could similarly create a new language to discuss their experiences from career to friendship to romance. Because of its web series format, An African City succeeds where Sex and the City fell short, combining unabashed conversations about womanhood with global representation.

While it fulfils a critical role in the cultural landscape, An African City is far from a panacea. Despite its mixture of satire and sincerity, some storylines verge on the absurd and the chemistry of the girl squad is occasionally lacking. Yet its refreshing voice and honesty sometimes matters more than its delivery.

Building on the narrative style of its American inspiration, An African City episodes begin with voice-overs by protagonist Nana Yaa (played by the talented Maame Yaa Boafo) and flits between scenes of the daily life of her circle of friends, including brazen and outspoken Sade, conservative and romantic Ngozi, pragmatic Zainab, and the ambitious and beautiful Makena.

Each woman plays an allegorical role in the continuum of modern African womanhood. Irreligious Sade unapologetically rejects her religious upbringing with her pastor father while Ngozi embraces the African church’s emphasis on sexual conservatism. Makena and Zainab struggle to navigate the difficulties of surviving in the sink-or-swim Accra business world without relying on men. Given this diversity of characters, it’s not surprising that the series immediately created buzz as women across the continent, especially in Africa’s sprawling urban megacities, found a little bit of themselves in each of the five women.



The show explores the tensions between second-wave and third-wave feminism. The former focused on independence and egalitarianism, and the latter embraced femininity as a tool of agency and empowerment. In exploring where these concepts of modern-day womanhood clash and overlap, An African City’s strength lays in its embrace of each woman’s lifestyle as a valid choice—its acknowledgment that the path to happiness in love and life is complex. Although they want different things and walk different paths, these women do not apologize for success or their sensuality. Ngozi wants marriage and commitment, while Zainab, focused on her career, could care less.

As the character that most navigates extremes, Sade (played by Nana Mensah), who often draws comparisons to her libertine American counterpart, Samantha, is a representation of the push and pull of the Africa of the past and present. A Harvard Business School graduate, Sade is the marketing manager of a prominent Accra-based bank, yet still enjoys coaxing gifts out of her male companions. Admittedly and unabashedly sexually confident, she evades the negative barbs of being labelled a whore because her self-love is not predicated on the attention of men.

On its face, this behaviour might appear as a contradiction, but to Mensah, it’s a subversive act. “In many traditional African cultures, men and women have different kinds of capital—sexual and financial,” she tells Okayafrica.

“The woman is in peak possession of her sexual capital at a young age, when perhaps she doesn’t have access to vast resources while the older man is the one with assets. Sade recognizes this and decides to cash in her sexual capital into actual capital—almost like a retirement plan. I don’t agree with that choice personally, but I appreciate the logic behind these choices,” she says. Sade’s choice to embrace her sexuality is at once at capitalist pursuit, but also an act of liberation from her religious upbringing and societal expectations.

Showcasing sexuality on screen is nothing new, but portraying it through the female gaze still remains a novel concept in film and television. Laura Mulvey’s pioneering 1973 essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema,” introduced new feminist discourse into film studies in its psychoanalytic analysis of how women are portrayed as passive subjects of the male gaze in the Western world.

Mensah agrees with this view, and thinks that is still particularly relevant in Africa’s nascent film and television industry. “A lot of times, sexuality is not shown at all or it’s a 1960s Hollywood portrayal where you see the lead-up and nothing else. Whether it’s in the U.S. or in Nigeria, film and television tends to show sexuality through the male gaze. The actress is there for the visual consumption of male viewers, male directors, male writers, and male co-stars. Now you have directors and filmmakers like Nicole Amarteifo, who directs An African City, and Leila Djansi, who are showcasing sexuality from a female perspective and showing female pleasure,” she tells us.

In the eyes of Maame Adjei, who plays Zainab and serves as one of the show’s producers, there are “myriad of reasons Africans tend to shy away from the conversation of sex… [but] the fact is young African women have sex.” She says, “sex is a human trait and a uniting factor and it’s a great way of telling nuanced stories because no matter who you are or where you’re from you understand the concept and complexities of sexuality.”

While some might claim MTV’s Shuga as the first television show to grapple with tough questions about the evolving nature of sexuality in Africa’s metropolises, Varyanne Sika, founder of The Wide Margin, an online journal of African feminist thought, finds that An African City is distinct fromShuga because it refrains from moralizing the protagonists’ sexuality.

“I created the show to highlight women who own their sexuality and sensuality—even if one of the characters, Ngozi, refrains from sex she is still owning her sexuality,” Amarteifo tells us. “And I wanted a show like this because for centuries women have been told that sex is not for them. Women have been sex-shamed for far too long. Sometimes men sex-shaming women, sometimes women sex-shaming other women. My show, itself, is a message: we will not be sex-shamed.”

Despite accolades and widespread media coverage for its refreshingly progressive take on African sexuality, An African City, like its American inspiration, has garnered some criticism for its focus on the lives of middle and upper class women. According to Sika, “urban life is reshaping the perception of African femininity along the lines of the usual rural and urban differences… affording some of those living in cities many opportunities for social, economic and cultural self-advancement which they otherwise wouldn’t have.”

While black women often speak of the importance of intersectionality, interpretations frequently center on race and gender, rather than third critical paradigm of class. In One Dimensional Woman, feminist scholar Nina Power writes, “if pop culture’s portrayal of womankind were to be believed, contemporary female achievement would culminate in the ownership of expensive handbags, a vibrator, a job, a flat and a man.”

With its exclusive focus on an elite, educated group of Ghanaian women, An African City shies away from broad representations of African women in its efforts to dismantle “the single story.” But in this attempt, does it create a single story of its own? In the same way that critics charged Lena Dunham’s Girls for lacking racial diversity and showcasing topics only relevant to a narrow slice of American life, An African City could similarly be dismissed as a narrow, elite feminist fantasy.

Even those in positions of privilege across the continent need only step outside their door to be robbed of the illusion of their palatial oasis. In Accra, you can step outside a mega-mansion only to be confronted with the stench of an overflowing gutter or a street riddled with potholes. These realities directly conflict with the glamorous, fanciful life that An African City attempts to show.

The parallel society of lavish luxury that persists aside the hellish realities of slums like Sodom and Gomorrah speaks to the growing income inequality in countries like Ghana. As we indulge in this bourgeois tableau of urban African life, we risk forgetting that independence of Nana Yaa, Ngozi, Zainab, Makena, and Sade is a rare privilege in a world in which African women experience fear more than freedom. Indulging in a guilty pleasure of An African City should not obscure the real problems impeding African women’s liberation.



Credit: Akinyi Ochieng 

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Relationship Advice: How to tell your partner your sex life is horrible



How do I tell my partner our sex life is terrible? We've been together for almost two years now, and I hate our sex life. He's too impatient for foreplay and does not want to hear anything about oral stimulation. According to him, it makes him want to puke. I've told him before it needs to change, but it hasn't. He's an awesome guy, and the thought of breaking up with him because of our poor sex life seems silly. I know there are men out there that will give me what I want though. What do I do?

Relationship expert’s advice

You're right, you shouldn't abandon a good relationship because of a bad sex life without even trying. The solution isn't simply to go find another guy — because what if the sex isn't perfect with that guy? Spoiler: It won't be. Then what do you do? You find another guy. And the sex won't be perfect with him, either…

Relationships take work, particularly in the bedroom where it can be particularly hard to talk about what you need without bruising your partner's ego. But sometimes, that's just necessary — even if your partner talks about going down on women like it's going to give him the cooties.
Given the choice between being dumped and being more collaborative in bed, what do you think your partner would choose? That said, don't present this as some do-or-die ultimatum. Just tell him how you've been feeling, instead of bottling it up inside.

Have the hard talk. Be direct. Tell him it's serious. Then butter him up with praise about how awesome he is and all the things you enjoy. Then tell him the "but…" Only, don't tell him sex is awful. Or that he's awful. Try to avoid judging him or labeling him with some insult. And don't place the blame all on him. A long-term bad sexual relationship is never just one person's fault.
Instead, tell him that you're unsatisfied and that it's very important to you that the two of you try to make your sex life better. Tell him you know it can be hotter for both of you. Tell him you want to know more about what turns him on and that you want him to know more about what turns you on.
Then tell him. Give him specific examples and fantasies and maybe even a little technical advice — and don't forget to listen to what he says too. It's clear you're both in a rut. Maybe you can learn from each other.
As for this silliness about how going down on women makes him want to puke? Sure, we all have our preferences and turn-offs, but this sounds deeply immature and a little cruel. Tell him that's not a satisfying explanation on any level and that you need him to consider how you feel too.
If your partner doesn't respond well — if he doesn't want to work on your relationship — then consider what that says about how he sees about you and how hard he's willing to work to make a relationship that works for both of you.

Cosmopolitan 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Video: Simple but amazing ways to style natural hair


There's never been a better time to rock your natural coils, kinks and curls!


Whether you're racing against the clock or are just a lazy natural, these natural hair styles will leave you looking your best in just 10 minutes or less!


Video by: Black men who support black women going natural


CONFESSIONS: The day I found gay porn in my brother’s closet



My brother does not know that I know he is gay. For a very long time, I have felt utterly certain that my elder brother is gay. That uneasy, jittery feeling called a woman’s intuition.

But in a complex issue such as sexuality, you can’t possibly walk up to your elder brother armed with just an intuition. He could just brush me off as suffering from a temporary hormonal imbalance.

He is old enough to scheme for girls. But he doesn’t. My very Christian parents found this a sigh of relief and a sign of belief that this boy will be God’s own toy.

My elder brother is young enough to be a football fanatic and find the sports engrossing, but he doesn’t. Even if he liked an obscure sport like badminton, I would drop all these CSI hunch inside of me.

But he is very sensitive – an occasional cause of concern for my parents. But for my parents who are church leaders, seeing my brother attend church even reluctantly and join in family devotion is enough to dispel any theory that such an ‘abomination’ happens at home.

Caught between parents who wouldn’t give my suspicion any serious preliminary hearing and a brother I dare not ‘accuse’ falsely, I felt compelled to find evidence for all three of us – my parents, myself and my brother.

Rummaging through my older brother’s stuff filled me with awful shame. Shame because it’s not right, it’s a little freakish stalking and somewhat sinister because if I was justified I would not be satisfied. I would be crushed.

He was out to visit a friend. Being a very tidy person, my search was difficult yet easy. Easy to know what it is. But difficult to arrange everything as it’s not been touched.

My first stop was his closet. After looking through his collection of designer shirts – thanks to my dad – I decided to look inside the drawer and there they were. Loads and loads of magazines with guys in them (shirtless men with six packs), they were handsome too. Some of these guys were in very uncomplimentary positions with other guys, the others were totally naked. What was he doing with these things, I asked myself, silently.

My heart started racing, but I didn’t stop. I pulled open the last drawer and in there were CDs, with pictures of naked guys printed on them. It was porn. No it was gay porn. I felt shot. My jaw dropped, I could see myself falling hard on the floor if I didn’t get closer to his bed.

For minutes I just stood there. Bodily present, mentally absent, processing the awful hurt for my relatively emotionally innocent life.

When my boyfriend broke up with me after a year of dating, I went out with my friends, had drink and only pretended to be sad when he called the next day to apologise for hurting me. Truth is, I’d wanted to leave him anyway.

Much as death is painful, we are aware it can happen. But how many people walk about prepared to accept or consider the possibility that your brother is gay? You can advise someone to stop chasing girls. But can you advise someone to stop being gay?

I didn’t know what or how to feel. Didn’t know if I should be mad at myself or at my brother for what I’d seen. I was dumbfounded and overwhelmed with fear.

That Friday night was one of the worst nights for me. To wake up one day and find out that your brother, one you love deeply and are proud of is involved with something society does not accept is difficult to accept.

I’ve got to say that I do not intend in any way to judge my brother but I cannot accept that he is gay. 
My parents will be devastated if and when they find out what I now know. I remember the grave warnings, pleas, threats mixed with promises which I received when my parents talked to me about teenage pregnancy.

Don’t know how this is going to go down. But somebody is going to be very, very down and very, very sad. External social ridicule awaits and an internal family meltdown lurks.

Right now, I’m worried because we are blacks, we live in Ghana and things like these are not countenanced. What will happen when people find out?

Nobody goes to my brother’s bedroom. But just like I found out, my parents could one day go there or barge in and find out.

I do not want to imagine how he feels about all these. Not being able to, at his age, bring a woman home or have a meaningful relationship. He might never – unless of course God intervenes – be like his friends, he’ll always be different but I’m the wrong person to save him. Right now, I kind of sympathise with him but I certainly can’t pretend everything is okay.

I love my brother. How do I support my gay brother? Should I accept it and move on? Tell him to be himself? Or tell him to try deliverance? How do I in practical terms show respect to him? If I hear him say I love you on the phone to some guy, should I beam with gladness or throw up?


The one thing women look for in a partner



What is the number one thing that women are looking for in a man? Six-pack abs? Six-figure bank account? A tall, handsome man riding a white horse? No, no, and no. The number one thing women look for is simply this: trustworthiness. That’s right, trustworthiness.

Now before you go patting yourself on the back and putting this book down because you know that she knows that you are trustworthy, think again. Trustworthiness isn’t just about whether or not you are a player or, if you’re in a long-term relationship, whether or not you’ve ever been unfaithful. Although those things are fundamental and important to trust-worthiness, they are not enough.

What trustworthiness looks like in dating and mating is this: You are who you say you are and you do what you say you are going to do. It’s about reliability, accountability, and showing up just as you are (but with good hygiene). Why is trustworthiness so important? Why is this the quality that makes a woman’s heart soar? Think about it. Throughout history, a woman’s safety and well-being, as well as that of her children, have been dependent on her parents' trustworthiness.

This is not just some antiquated issue from yesteryear, either. Fathers turn out to be the most critical factor in the health and success of children across a wide range of influences. When fathers are not involved with their kids, there’s a five times greater likelihood that the kids will live in poverty, a three times greater likelihood that they’ll fail in school, and a two times greater likelihood that they will have emotional and behavioural problems, use drugs, get involved in crime, or commit suicide. 



Men make a difference. And men matter immensely to women and to their children, so there’s a reason women are looking for men who are trustworthy.

Now you may be saying, “Hold on a minute, we’ve just met” or “I’m just looking for a date.” Well, knowing what her deep, evolutionary needs are will help you know how to win her heart for a night or for a lifetime. Just remember that she’s asking herself, even if she’s not consciously thinking about it, “Is he safe? Will he be there for me? Is he dependable? Is he trustworthy?” 

There is a reason that women think that firefighters are hot. (And it’s not the moustaches.) They are a symbol of all these qualities. Firefighters are Heroes. You can be, too.
This is why all of those symbolic actions of concern and protectiveness that your grandmother told you to do are actually so important. 

Opening a door for her, pulling out her chair, and walking on the traffic side of the street (yeah, really) all signal that you care about her and are willing to protect her. By showing up on time and doing what you say you’ll do, you tell her, 

“Hey, you can trust me.” People admire it or dismiss it as being chivalrous, but the truth is, you’re signaling that you are trustworthy.

But being trustworthy is not just about safeguarding a woman’s body or her children. It’s about safeguarding her heart, as well.


Credit: Independent.co.uk

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Watch Adele twerk at London Concert





Being the entertainer she is, Adele has pulled out all the stops for the crowds at her recent concerts. Last week, she invited a couple onstage who had just got engaged in the audience.

And at her string of performances at London’s O2 arena, Adele not only announced that she would be headlining the Glastonbury Festival in 2016, but also attempted to twerk for the audience.



“I think I just twerked!” she exclaimed. “I can’t do it that well. My whole body has to move,” she joked. “My bum could break my back it’s so enormous.”

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

How of get rid of dark armpit

The main reason for excessive dark armpits and under arms are as under: Improper/excessive spray perfumes and deodorants directly on the armpits to get rid of bad odour then the armpit area become darker. Deodorants contains metallic salts that cause in darkening the skin tone.  Improper washing of underarms.


Excessive shaving in armpits  Excessive use of hair removing creams, chemicals in them can cause discoloration.  Constant irritation on skin due to friction caused by wearing tight clothes.  Buildup of dead skin.

Orange Peel:

Do not throw away orange peel, keep them safe as it can be used to lighten the skin tone of your dark underarms. 
Keep the orange peels under the sun for a few days. Now, grind the dried peels of the orange with the help of a grinder to make it in powder form. Mix the powdered orange peels with rose water and milk to make a thick paste. Use it to scrub the dark underarms gently for around ten to fifteen minutes. And wash the area with cold water to remove dead skin cells.


Milk With Curd:


I can not count number, how much benefits milk can do. Milk is a good for lightening underarm. The vitamins and fatty acids present in milk are good for the skin as they can help in minimizing the dark skin tone. 2 tablespoon of milk and curd each with 1 tablespoon of flour to it. Mix it and make a thick paste and apply it on dark underarms. Wash it after 15 minutes.


Yogurt, Gram flour, Lemon:


Make a paste by mixing yogurt, gram flour, lime or lemon juice and a little turmeric powder and apply under the arms. Wash it off after half an hour. Repeat every second day.


Cucumber And Lemon:


Apply a mixture of cucumber juice and lemon (equal amount) with 1/8 teaspoon of turmeric powder. Leave for 20 minutes and rinse with lukewarm water. Make a paste by mixing 1 teaspoon of 1 teaspoon of cucumber juice, lemon juice and some turmeric powder and apply on your armpits. Wash it off after half an hour.


Lemon, Cucumber And Potato:


Lemon, cucumber and potato are bleaching agents so they offer good solutions for dark underarms and armpits. Rub a piece of lemon or cucumber or potato on the armpit and keep it for sometime. You can also apply juice of lemon or cucumber or potato to cure dark armpits.


Baking Soda:


Baking soda also acts positively in curing the darkness of the underarms. Use it after bath, apply some baking soda onto the armpits. Check if this suits your skin or if you are allergic to baking soda.


Sandalwood With Rose Water:


You can also try a paste by mixing some sandalwood powder and a few drops of rose water to and apply to your underarms.



Credit: IFacts

The real reason we close our eyes when we kiss


Ever wonder why you close your eyes whenever you lean in for a kiss? Or why it's considered such bad form to sneakily open your eyes mid-make out? 

A study featured on The Debrief sets the record straight. According to psychologists Polly Dalton and Sandra Murphy, whose research was published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, it's really, really hard for our brain to focus on our other senses if we've got any visual stimuli to distract us.

As a result, we need to close our eyes when we kiss so we can actually enjoy how it feels physically. 
Dalton and Murphy discovered this by asking a group of participants to do different letter-searching tasks. While they did this, a small vibration was applied to their hands. 

The researchers found that when the participants were doing trickier letter-searching tasks, they didn't feel the vibrations as strongly because their eyes were busier, and their brains were focused on that. 
So when we kiss, it's the same deal. It just won't feel as good with your eyes roaming about and getting distracted from the other sensations. (Plus, it's a little creepy to stare at someone the entire time you're making out, anyway.)



Credit: Cosmopolitan

The 1 thing happy couples do every day

My entire life, I've been surrounded by successful relationships. My parents are just as in love with one another as the day they met. My grandparents will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this month. My best friend has lived with her boyfriend in Sweden for years. So what do all of these very different unions have in common?
To get to the bottom of it, I asked many couples why they think their relationships work. Everyone listed off a few different reasons, but they all stated one fact that was the same: they talk to their significant others. I mean really talk to each other and hear what their partners have to say. So what do all content couples do every day? It's very simple.
Happy couples communicate with each other.
Constant communication seems so obvious, but it can easily slip through the cracks. In order to keep your relationship healthy and happy, there's three things you need to do to communicate successfully.

1. Express your needs and feelings.
There's no way for your partner to know what you want out of your relationship if you don't say so. Make sure to clearly express how you are feeling — whether that be happy or upset — so that you and your partner are on the same page. Your significant other is not a mind reader, so it's up to you. You may learn something new about each other.
2. Be totally honest.
The moment you start lying is the moment things go wrong. If you can't be honest with the person you love, who can you be honest with? Go beyond being open about the dynamic of your relationship; talk about a bad day at work or a friend who hurt your feelings. The more experiences you share, the closer you will become.
3. Don't just speak — make sure to listen.
There are two people in a relationship. Your partner should be communicating with you too. Be a good listener and make sure to take in everything your SO is saying. You are not perfect, so if you have to make some adjustments for your relationship work, be open-minded.

If you practice communication every day, you will see that your relationship will be stronger than ever. Sometimes it's hard to do, but the greatest challenges are always worth the end result. Here's to many more happy anniversaries with your significant other!