When you move in
together, a funny thing happens: The woman who used to be your lover becomes
your roommate. Not exactly erotic.
“You see her in
unattractive states—sick, depressed, PMS-ing in her ‘jammies,” says Engler.
“There’s no mystery.”
This is when the
“sexual intimacy paradox” sets in—as your emotional bond grows, your sexual desire
wanes. So what’s the fix?
Act
Like a Horny Teenager
“You have to learn
how not to let her be your best friend, but a sexual
object,” says Engler. “And you have to be one, too.”
That sounds counter
to everything women desire from a man. But when you’re in a monogamous
relationship, women want you
to view them with an “I-can’t-take-my-hands-off-of-you” gaze.
See if you can make
mundane everyday activities sexier.
“If she’s just
standing there washing the dishes, what
would you do to her?” Engler says. “It doesn’t always have to be sex—it
could be saying erotic things to her or flirting.”
This will take you
back to how it was early in your relationship, when everything she did was hot.
Don’t Expect to Do It Every Day
If you initiate sex
too often, you may end up with dull, obligatory intercourse, Engler says.
On the other hand,
if you give her some room to want it, you’ll have hot sex with a horny
girlfriend.
“Let go of the
expectation that a couple who is truly in love should have sex every day,” she
says. “It’s about quality rather than quantity.”
If you ever sense
she’s not into a romp, simply pull back and be transparent. Say to her: “I
think we’re just going through the motions. What would really get you in the mood?”
“That would be
incredibly relieving to a woman,” says Engler. It also forces her to take
ownership of her desire—and lets her dictate the tone of your romps.
Credit: Menshealth
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